Doll's Quilt

I'm so proud of this craft! You may recall my post on, "Eatin' Clothes." Well, I finally found a use for some of them! I've thrown out loads, sadly, but with the recent bunch I was inspired to make a quilt. I'd never made one before so decided to not be too adventurous and just make a little doll-sized one as V's been really into dolls lately.

I cut out some shapes out of some of the fabric, the unstained portions of course, and handstitched them onto squares. Then I sewed the squares all together. Then I sewed the adjoined squares onto a couple layers of white fabric, which was actually a tshirt of mine that V had gotten some highlighter on as I tried to get the highlighter away from her (and despite bleaching it twice the highlighter would not wash out. A shame as I really liked the fit of that particular shirt.)

Anyway, some crafts come out looking like crap but this one turned out really well and professional-looking! I also made a doll's bed out of a cardboard box that some boots came in, and the pillow out of some of the leftover fabric. I don't think the bed and pillow will necessarily last for more than one child but I can already imagine pulling out that quilt 20 yrs from now saying, "I made this for Victoria Elle when she was a toddler." :)

The continuing dentist saga

This is a follow-up from this post in Oct.

Between then and now, we found out that Sick Kids couldn't fit in V's fillings until Feb. So we decided to go with the private anesthesiologist and dentist, who in Oct was able to fit her in within 2 weeks. But then when we tried to re-schedule it, he said he found out she had to be over 2 for the anesthesiologist. V turned 2 on Dec. 21st but they couldn't fit us in until end of January.

A week before the appointment they called and said the dentist is now doing work under general anaesthetic at East General, which isn't very close to us at all but at least in the city. Plus it would be safer and cut the cost in half as OHIP covers anesthesiologists working in hospital. So now her appointment is on Feb. 16th.

I have to get V a new physical as the doctor's report can't be more than 20 days old.

We have to do a tour of the hospital and register in person, too.

Today I had to meet with the operating room hygenist to find out what will happen, and to sign and fill out even more forms.

The day of we have to show up 2 hrs early (about 6am.) She will have to wear a baby hospital gown. They will wheel her away from us, gas mask her, put in an IV, intubate her and get her on a respirator(!!), even put a gravol suppository in :( oh god. She said we can't be there while all this stuff goes on but on the day of I am going to try to let them let me in. At least till she's unconscious. That's my baby!

The fillings will take 2 hrs. Then she is in recovery for 3 hrs, the first 1.5 hrs only one person can be with her (me.) That is when they have to rehydrate her as she will have been without liquid or food for 13 hrs at that point.

Then we can take her home. Then a few days later we have to bring her back to the dentist so he can check his work and make sure her throat is ok from the intubation.

It feels wrong.

I thought it would be better than restraining her but now I'm not so sure. I asked about the restraining thing again but they said it would take 4 or 5 visits and is dangerous cause if she moves the drill could hit a nerve. . .basically strongly discouraging it. The story changes every visit, and even with each new dentist.

I feel so overwhelmed and stressed out and concerned.

The hygenist, on top of all of this, blamed me right out for the cavities. Well, she referred to them as, "V's disease." She asked me what I've changed since the disease had been diagnosed (seriously) and made me promise to keep up those changes and to bring her back every 3 months afterward. It was as if she didn't believe how seriously I am taking this all. How serious I've always been about V's wellbeing.

She repeated the same things four or five times. She spoke in such a strong, stilted manner, like through gritted teeth. She was like that the whole time, about 40 mins straight through. If she was not a human, she'd be a bulldozer. She looked to be about 50 -- I was surprised she hadn't had a heart attack already with a personality like that :( I am good at not being affected by such highly stressed out people though, I used to catch it right away. I was able to stay mellow and not confront her or take it personally. It was just unnecessary and unfortunate.

I really hope V doesn't suffer any repurcussions from this and that it goes smoothly and that she doesn't lose any teeth (which they said is a risk if any of the cavities are very bad.) Wish my baby luck, please!

V's first drawing

The other evening V came over to me and showed me something she had just drawn. She pointed at it and said, "mama!" I recognized it as a face, I was so amazed. Previous to this she had only drawn scribbles. She just turned 2 on Dec. 21st, after all.

I got part of the experience on video, but unfortunately the quality sucks as our camera doesn't work so well in dim light. Still, better than nothing:



I keep thinking my husband drew it as a joke but he insists-insists she did it herself. Pretty amazing!

Adult acne

Around the age of 23 or so, I started getting acne. Around that same time I started waking up at night thirsty. To this day no doctor sees a connection but they both stand out in my mind. I asked my general physician at the time about it and she said they aren't atypical, to just keep a glass of water on my nightstand, and to change my pillowcases more often (how insulting! lol)

About 25 or so. Even with a lot of make-up it was obvious.

Over the years the acne got a lot worse. I asked several doctors about it but was always told that it was due to something small I could change: stress, face towels, facial cleanser or my moisturizer. I tried going without make-up for a year (no difference), to wearing healthier cosmetics. I tried nearly everything. I did go through phases where it would go away for a couple months, but then it would come back and I had no idea why.

A good phase, around age 28.

I tried everything. I experimented so much. Washing my face more often, less often. So many different cleansers and topical treatments. All the meanwhile I was developing scars on my face, pitting and brown spots. The acne went from being tiny pimples that made my skin feel like sandpaper to deep, painful cystic pimples that came in clusters of 5 or 6. It went from being mainly on my forehead to covering my cheeks, then jawline, and now back up to my cheeks and very occasionally chin or forehead.

Totally depressing. I have to wear a few layers of foundation when I go out to not feel like complete scum. (Aesthetics are really important to me.)

I figured out how to apply make-up to hide most of it.
This is me just a few months ago.

To contrast, without make-up you can really see the marks and scars.
This is me a couple weeks ago, feeding my new niece.

Recently I saw an endocrinologist. It didn't seem normal to me to have acne at my age. I am now 32. But like my GP, she said that my hormonal levels were completely normal, that there was nothing wrong with me. I asked why I had acne then, and she said there are a variety of reasons. I may have a sensitivity to testosterone that was triggered in my early 20s, when it first started. She said a lot of women have acne and I should see a dermatologist.

I'd been avoiding seeing a dermatologist for years cause I kept thinking if I could just figure out the reason for it I could cure it that way. I thought a dermatologist would just prescribe some meds that would temporarily treat it but not get at the root cause.

Well, I finally gave in. I was surprised to get an appointment with one in under a week -- specialists usually are booked a month or two in advance, in my experience.

It was the nicest medical office I'd ever seen. Gorgeous, high quality furnishings and finishings. Solid oak reception, Persian rug. . .not original artwork, but not fast food artwork at all. There were also brochures for a variety of cosmetic procedures. Quite a few, actually. . .

I had to wait 70 mins to see the dermatologist! I was getting ready to leave when he walked in, and apologized. I think he'd forgotten about me or something. He asked me a couple questions, looked at my face, and prescribed 3 creams. I am trying to conceive so my options were a bit limited. I was surprised at how little he asked me. He didn't even care what cleansers or creams I'd been using, if I was under stress or if I changed my pillowcases every night! ha!

After he wrote my prescription, when I thought we were all done, he asked me to stand up and show him my stomach and back. I thought that was weird but I did. Then he escorted me to the other side of his office where a lady was waiting to sell me a package of glycolic peels. If I bought a package of three I could get them for $140 each. Hmmm.

I chatted with her for a bit, she was very kind and personable. I told her I'd like to wait to see how the meds work. That my skin actually healed very quickly, the problem was the acne just never stopped blooming. (Secretly I thought I'd come back for a peel once it was all gone cause I do have some slight pitting on one cheek.)

I filled the prescription that night. I actually said, "GOOD LORD!" when I saw how much it costs. We don't have insurance for medication so I paid for it all out of pocket: about $160. Meanwhile I had thought paying $10 for a tube of benzoyl peroxide gel was crazy.

It's been a week now and I have to say, the creams seem to be working! The first couple days I did get a mass of teeny pimples all over my forehead. So I stopped using the overnight cream on my forehead and that went away. The real test will be ovulation, as that is usually the absolute worst.

I usually get 5 or 6 cystic pimples every single day. On a good day only a couple, on a bad day over a dozen. In the last week I have gotten ONE actual pimple, and it isn't a cystic one, it's just a little one on the surface. It doesn't even hurt!

Here's an old photo of me that I actually like.
I am not photogenic and it's taken real guts to share the photos
in this post, so as a narcissistic boost to myself I will also share this one.
Hope that's ok :)

I'm tempted to think this is it, my acne might actually go away for good and my skin can heal and I can start to feel beautiful again. I have never felt uglier than I have in the last few years and it's been really tough on my self-esteem (other things have happened too, this is just one of a few things that have piled up on me.)

Wish me luck! I'll update later on with further results.

Co-Sleeping Dolls

V had just tucked Upsy Daisy into bed when she got up and grabbed her mini-Upsy Daisy. She tucked the mini-doll into bed with the big doll, pointed at it and said, "baby." Sweet baby, indeed!