My daughter split my lip today. Blood pouring (ok, dribbling), slightly intense pain. . and an actual split lip. I hope I don't look like the victim of a wife beating.
It was innocent enough; just yesterday she almost did the same thing to my husband.
He was laying down on our bed, trying to take a nap. She took a folded blanket from the nightstand shelf and threw it on top of his arm and part of his face. Aw, so cute. Then she grabbed my book and threw it next to his face. Aw, she notices that we read before falling asleep :)
Today: I am laying down for a minute, feeling tired and wanting to relax. She grabs the book and pelts it toward my face. The corner collides with my mouth. She looks worried, I remind her to be "gentle" (a keyword we use a lot) and kiss her on the forehead. That's when I notice the blood, realize the pain is more than a twinge, and for some reason end up having to comfort her :)
She may be a bit rough, but she's also quite empathetic for an 18 month old.
Update: a few hours later she kicked the other side of my mouth. It split and bled on the inside. Who knew parenting would be so painful.
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7 comments:
Lol! Ayven head butts me by accident on a daily, and man, isn't it so hard to like hold in the anger from the pulsing pain because you don't want to make them feel too bad especially if they did it by accident? Cutest picture by the way, how adorable!
When babies attack
The imagery evoked by the feeling of the papercut in the eye sent shivers up my spine. Yeah, you gotta be careful around those flailing limbs and head. Both my kids have bonked their heads really hard into my nose and mouth...it really hurts sometimes!
Oh good Lord, I got off easy!
I feel as if I should invest in some armour gear or something :)
Krystal, I've actually started using a technique from the Happiest Toddler on the Block book which is to clap loudly (clap not slap!) when V starts getting aggressive and won't listen to me when I say, "gentle!" It works but I hate how much it scares her :(
Thanks for the compliment, she just loves wearing my glasses :) It's funniest when she puts them on upside down :)
I wouldn't classify V's behaviour as aggressive. It sounds like she's still learning cause and effect.
I've always been a bit worried about my kids getting aggressive, mainly because when we go to children's programs, I see some children are quite aggressive. Once, at an OEYC Family Time program, a little boy (about 3?) came up to Mara and wrapped his hands around her neck and started strangling her!!! Whoa! Wait a sec there, bud. Where does a 3 y.o. learn to do THAT? I stopped him and explained to him that he can't do that to people. Wrapping your hand around another child's neck and strangling -- very deliberate aggressive behaviour. The scary thing was the little boy had a younger sister who was still a baby! That poor mother, she must not be able to take her eyes off him for even a second!
Speaking of aggression, we just entered the tantrum phase of toddlerhood with Mara in the last few weeks! Hell has no wrath like a toddler having a total meltdown! I've read about it, heard about it, seen people deal with it in public -- but nothing prepared me for dealing with it up close and personal. I think we did well and I think she's still learning through it -- but I just never expected that kind of intensity from a toddler having a tantrum associated with 2.
Well, she's very rough and I think a lot of that comes from not having very fine motor skills. If the word aggression has a negative connotation to it than yeah it's the wrong word to describe V with :)
Little boy strangling -> scary. What the hell!! lol Seriously.
V started having tantrums when she was about 10 mos old. On the floor, flailing limbs, screaming tantrums. Do you mean ones like that? Those ones didn't last long here, now when she gets really upset, about once a week or less, she'll calmly get down on the floor. It's so funny! She'll just go down and lay there, and I'll say, "oh she's on the floor again!" cause that's how she communicates she's really upset I guess :) But she doesn't scream or freak out anymore. What are Mara's tantrums like?
Oh, the Happiest Toddler book has *great* advice on dealing with tantrums btw. When V does get upset now (she doesn't freak out fully but does get upset from time to time) I use the techniques from that book and they work like a charm.
The tantrums are wicked and frightening to see and they draw out for anywhere between 45 minutes and 2 hours.
We were up at a cottage last week and we'd brought along a portable DVD player for the ride and she really likes watching Hi-5 and certain Elmo DVDs.
We got up there and after we went swimming one day, I made dinner, and had dinner and she decided she wanted me to bring out the portable DVD player for her again. I diverted her attention with a bath. She gets out of the bath and wants it again. No. It had been a busy day and it was now late and time for bed. She's been on and off with naps and hadn't had a nap that day and with 2 hours of "swimming" at the beach (playing in water), she had to be tired.
As I tried to put her to bed, she got more and more upset. Kept pulling me back to where I had stashed the DVD player. No. She had her mind set on it and got more and more upset until it escalated into this bloodcurdling scream. There was no way I was going to reward that behaviour by giving her what she wanted. Her face got so red as she screamed this horrible scream over and over again. Kept pushing me in the direction of the DVD player. Her face is all wet from the tears and snot. Spit is drooling out of her mouth. She's still screaming this unbelievably painful scream, top of her lungs, stomping, forcefully "stomping" down her own arms (still standing up). Her hair is all wet from sweat, so much energy going into the screaming and the crying. Her eyes are all swollen from crying. Her whole face looks swollen from the crying and she looks so upset. This went on for 2 hours but I think it's because I ran with my maternal instinct to want to be there for her when she's upset and I sat with her and tried to calm her down. The screaming fit went on straight for 2 very long hours.
She had another meltdown of the same magnitude today about something else. It didn't last as long today -- I treated it differently -- with the other really bad one, I had tried to sit with her and calm her down -- and after it was over and I could collect my thoughts and look at it more objectively, I saw how I was giving her attention for undesirable behaviour, which just fanned the flames. Today, I gave her some space to sort it out on her own and I went to go do some dishes. She calmed down shortly after (I could still see her but I wasn't in her personal space). She stomped over to her bookshelf and "read" a book by herself and poof, the tantrum was over.
I think I'm just going to take the approach of explaining to her once while she can't have what she wants and just go do chores to give her space.
Seriously, she was the most laid-back child ever before a few weeks ago. She's had small voicings of objection, sitting and pouting, but was generally very easy-going -- sure, she got upset once in a while, stomped her feet, cried and grew frustrated when I told her "No" but nothing like this.
I think this is self-actualization, an understanding of self-determination, coupled with cognitive development (longer memory, isn't as easily distracted, can hold a single thought for a longer time now)...that she's got her own will and wants to see how long she can carry on and seeing whether or not I'll give in if she's persistent enough with the intensity of her method of communication.
Whoa that sounds really unfortunate for both you and her.
I respect that you are figuring out how to handle this new development, but if you ever would like more ideas, the Happiest Toddler book was written for situations just like that.
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