So we moved into our new home this weekend. What a mess to sort out!
I can't believe I managed to pack everything within a week, didn't do a bad job either. We rented big plastic bins as we did last time, so much easier than cardboard boxes and very sturdy as well, not to mention environmentally friendly. They have become quite expensive to rent though, so that sucked.
The movers weren't too good either. I don't know why just about every moving company I use disappoints me. I realized perhaps my expectations are too high: I should allot a whole day to move a 1 bdrm apartment.. they say it will take a few hours, but inevitably things get in the way. This time the fire alarm went off in my building for 20 mins and then service vehicles were blocking the loading entrance. . .oh and they said that the corridor from the elevators to the loading area was a city block! But it really isn't, maybe a quarter of a city block?
The really bad thing they did, however, was break our tv. Dropped it. It was 10 yrs old and needed to be replaced anyway, the casing was loose on it so they claimed it was our fault somehow, which is why I didn't argue with them over it. Just couldn't be bothered when there were so many other things to worry about and take care of.
By the end of the day I was so stressed. . .PMSing on top of it, and then my husband misread the total amount owed and gave them $140 extra! I would have been happy to tip them if you know, they hadn't broken our tv, split the frame on our sofa, and taken over twice as long as they said they would. . so when my husband gave them that extra cash, when meanwhile here I am being as frugal as I can effing be, saving 50 cents off crackers, I cried. Oh I cried for a short while, then had a panic attack, then cried some more. .and then mostly got over it.
I really hate moving :) I smile because it is over!
The good news is our new place is pretty fabulous and all the fish survived!
I figure it'll take a few weeks for us to really settle in and unpack everything. Probably months to find and buy all the little things that this place could use.
It's nice to have a new home for at least a few years. Then we plan on moving to Vancouver Island (now that will be quite the move.)
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Potty Time!
V has been signalling that she might be ready for potty training lately. She's still kind of young for it (15 months) but I figured it doesn't hurt to introduce her to the concept.
It all started just over a month or two ago when she started saying, "puh" and pointing to herself each time she went. It was amazing cause we didn't teach her that word; maybe she heard us referring to it? She rarely uses long vowels either so it makes sense that she'd call it "puh" instead of "pee" or "poo." (ugh I hate using those words but they're easy. .)
Then, she also became very interested in the bathroom in particular. Long gone are the days I can stick her in a bouncy chair and go to the bathroom in peace. .she likes to come in and see what's going on! So she's become familiar with the concept of peeing into a toilet. She even hands me toilet paper. . .this is such TMI, isn't it? It's funny, she'll unravel like a meter of paper, and then rip off a tiny little square, like a centimetre square and pass that to me. She is so hilarious.
She likes playing with toilet paper a lot, as I guess most kids do since there are those toilet paper locks. Even when I'm not in there she'll go in and unravel a bunch, stick it in the toilet and flush, watching it swirl down and away. She seems very amused by this. The other week, during a diaper change, I discovered a bunch of toilet paper she had shoved into her diaper!! That was really funny, and was about when I thought, hmmm maybe it's time to start potty training?
So we got a potty yesterday. The baby bjorn got the best reviews on amazon so we ordered that. I couldn't believe it cost $52 for a plastic potty!!! But so far it seems pretty good. I put her on it yesterday after she woke up from a nap, when she almost always pees a lot, and it worked! My husband and I were so proud we actually took a picture of the pee!
Then today I've been putting her on it here and there but nothing.. till this evening. She sat on it all by herself, my husband quickly took off her diaper, and she went in it all on her own! Then as a "treat" I emptied it into the toilet and let her flush it. Some parents bribe their kids with candy. . I let her flush the toilet :) Hey, she loves it! And it's amazing that she understands what it's for, that she's been able to connect all the dots.
I expect this to take months and months but I figure that's ok since we're starting so early. It's funny how things like this are so exciting once you're a parent.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Pregnancy Envy
Is it weird that I feel envious when I hear of a pregnancy?
If I could I would have so many babies. As noted before, I don't have enough help and can't manage many children on my own, though. At least not to my standards, which actually aren't that high. I also am not young enough that I can wait years inbetween each, if I want to have 5 or so. Maybe I will be able to have 3, maybe even 4 if I risk pregnancy in my early 40s (which is not too unusual these days, especially for healthy and active women) and all works out well financially(?)
I've always thought it would be lovely to have a large family. It's not only pregnancies I am envious about, it also happens when I hear of someone with several siblings. SO ENVIOUS. I just imagine all these family members who know each other so well, are so close, hanging out, being there for one another. I know it's not always sunshine and rainbows, but overall I think it could be an extremely positive experience -- especially under favourable (read: economically viable) conditions.
My husband just mentioned this weekend how nice it would be to have a second. Part of me thinks we might as well get pregnant now, but then I know practically we're not really set up for it yet. I need to wait till we have more security, like let's say permanent residency for my spouse, at least. . .he is STILL in Canada under a work visa after all this time! Unnecessarily so, as well, as he could have applied for residency years ago. He is a master procrastinator.
It's one of those decisions that you don't want to make, but have to cause you know it's best. Like in dating, when you really, really like someone, maybe even love them, but you know it won't work out well for practical reasons and have to break up with them. So I wait to have a second, and a third, and who knows how many more.
If I could I would have so many babies. As noted before, I don't have enough help and can't manage many children on my own, though. At least not to my standards, which actually aren't that high. I also am not young enough that I can wait years inbetween each, if I want to have 5 or so. Maybe I will be able to have 3, maybe even 4 if I risk pregnancy in my early 40s (which is not too unusual these days, especially for healthy and active women) and all works out well financially(?)
I've always thought it would be lovely to have a large family. It's not only pregnancies I am envious about, it also happens when I hear of someone with several siblings. SO ENVIOUS. I just imagine all these family members who know each other so well, are so close, hanging out, being there for one another. I know it's not always sunshine and rainbows, but overall I think it could be an extremely positive experience -- especially under favourable (read: economically viable) conditions.
My husband just mentioned this weekend how nice it would be to have a second. Part of me thinks we might as well get pregnant now, but then I know practically we're not really set up for it yet. I need to wait till we have more security, like let's say permanent residency for my spouse, at least. . .he is STILL in Canada under a work visa after all this time! Unnecessarily so, as well, as he could have applied for residency years ago. He is a master procrastinator.
It's one of those decisions that you don't want to make, but have to cause you know it's best. Like in dating, when you really, really like someone, maybe even love them, but you know it won't work out well for practical reasons and have to break up with them. So I wait to have a second, and a third, and who knows how many more.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The wreck of a condo in our building
This was unbelievable. A couple larger condos were available in our building and I thought what an easy and cheap move that would be! One was carpeted though, which is a big problem with a toddler that likes to throw her food around, but the other wasn't. So we made an appt. to see the one with hardwood floors.
The agent, and I use that term loosely, seemed nice enough at first. The unit was a bit of a wreck. The floor boards seemed to be coming loose in many places. All of the ceiling light fixtures were missing their covers; bare bulbs in every room and hall. I asked if the light covers would be replaced, the agent said no, the owners won't do it till they try to sell the place again in a couple years. WHAT??!?
So (a) we may be out of a home if we decide to stay longer than 2 yrs and (b) they don't really care about their tenants, do they? What I really didn't like is how the agent said it as if it was natural, like why would the owners care to make the unit nice for renters?
I realized if something would go wrong with the unit while we lived there, they'd likely not take care of it, and/or try to stick us with the bill. They'd be pretty awful landlords, I'm sure.
There were other things, like a hole in the bathroom with a cut pipe just sticking out of it. It's funny to think about. A PIPE STICKING OUT OF THE WALL?! I mean, this is a nice building. . that unit was just abused.
The agent told us they had originally tried to sell the condo, starting in November, but when no offers came in they decided to rent it. They were asking for 2k/month when meanwhile, 3 new buildings opened up in the last couple months, all brand new and shiny, offering the same size units for anywhere from $200-500 less!
He said one of the things they did to try to up their chances of renting the unit was to get a "professional" painter in. . .the colour was a very light mocha (in every room and hall) and was horribly done. Smudges on the ceilings, baseboards, and even over the carpet in one of the bedrooms. The agent smugly said that if we wanted to paint our own colours, we'd have to return it to this original colour before moving out. Nearly any colour would be better than that colour (which I admit could work in some spaces, but did nothing for this one.)
Lastly, there was a cabinet that was built-in to a section of the living room. It did not match any of the other woods at all, nor the style, and you could see how they tried to plaster it to the walls. . it was coming apart from the walls. I don't know why they even bothered. What's wrong with just having the cabinet free-standing? It didn't make any sense. The agent said we couldn't touch that cabinet, it had to stay. He acted like it was this fine piece of art, "oooh the cabinet. . ." It was an ugly piece of crap badly glued to the wall for goodness sake!
Needless to say, this place was out of the running. The guy said he'd call back the next day to see if we wanted it, but he never did call. That, along with showing up without any application forms, and wearing a hoodie/track suit made me think he was highly unprofessional. I don't mind arrogance when it's warranted, but this guy was totally out of line in showing off that sh*thole.
I have wondered about it since, thinking maybe he didn't want people to rent it out for some reason. Maybe he is trying to get the owners to lower the rent so he can rent it out to a friend? I just can't make sense of his unwarranted nonchalant and cocky attitude. It's downright mystifying.
The agent, and I use that term loosely, seemed nice enough at first. The unit was a bit of a wreck. The floor boards seemed to be coming loose in many places. All of the ceiling light fixtures were missing their covers; bare bulbs in every room and hall. I asked if the light covers would be replaced, the agent said no, the owners won't do it till they try to sell the place again in a couple years. WHAT??!?
So (a) we may be out of a home if we decide to stay longer than 2 yrs and (b) they don't really care about their tenants, do they? What I really didn't like is how the agent said it as if it was natural, like why would the owners care to make the unit nice for renters?
I realized if something would go wrong with the unit while we lived there, they'd likely not take care of it, and/or try to stick us with the bill. They'd be pretty awful landlords, I'm sure.
There were other things, like a hole in the bathroom with a cut pipe just sticking out of it. It's funny to think about. A PIPE STICKING OUT OF THE WALL?! I mean, this is a nice building. . that unit was just abused.
The agent told us they had originally tried to sell the condo, starting in November, but when no offers came in they decided to rent it. They were asking for 2k/month when meanwhile, 3 new buildings opened up in the last couple months, all brand new and shiny, offering the same size units for anywhere from $200-500 less!
He said one of the things they did to try to up their chances of renting the unit was to get a "professional" painter in. . .the colour was a very light mocha (in every room and hall) and was horribly done. Smudges on the ceilings, baseboards, and even over the carpet in one of the bedrooms. The agent smugly said that if we wanted to paint our own colours, we'd have to return it to this original colour before moving out. Nearly any colour would be better than that colour (which I admit could work in some spaces, but did nothing for this one.)
Lastly, there was a cabinet that was built-in to a section of the living room. It did not match any of the other woods at all, nor the style, and you could see how they tried to plaster it to the walls. . it was coming apart from the walls. I don't know why they even bothered. What's wrong with just having the cabinet free-standing? It didn't make any sense. The agent said we couldn't touch that cabinet, it had to stay. He acted like it was this fine piece of art, "oooh the cabinet. . ." It was an ugly piece of crap badly glued to the wall for goodness sake!
Needless to say, this place was out of the running. The guy said he'd call back the next day to see if we wanted it, but he never did call. That, along with showing up without any application forms, and wearing a hoodie/track suit made me think he was highly unprofessional. I don't mind arrogance when it's warranted, but this guy was totally out of line in showing off that sh*thole.
I have wondered about it since, thinking maybe he didn't want people to rent it out for some reason. Maybe he is trying to get the owners to lower the rent so he can rent it out to a friend? I just can't make sense of his unwarranted nonchalant and cocky attitude. It's downright mystifying.
Selecting a New Home
So we finally found a new place after looking at around a dozen condos and houses. I had never had such a hard time selecting a home before. I discovered this was cause there seem to be way more 1 bedrooms than 2 or 3 bedrooms, for rent at least, and a lot of the bigger places are real dives.
I couldn't believe that some people would hold their head up high and offer their places for rent. I saw some horrible places, and not cheap either! Our range was between $1500-2000 a month and wow. . . .a lot of ads were misleading too, otherwise we wouldn't have wasted our time.
Like one house which featured views of the back parking lot of a pizzeria (that was the view from the front of the house) and the back view was of a dirty alleyway. Inside, the staircase was missing one of its banisters, so anyone could just fall right over if they took a wrong step (don't even want to think about my toddler trying to navigate them). . .hardwood floors with missing planks and plywood just screwed into place instead (worst patch job ever). . .stinking of kitty litter. UGH.
Then another place which was supposed to be two floors of a house was actually the basement and main floor. Which could be fine except for the fact that it was a butchered house. You had to enter through the back patio as the front door lead to the second floor apartment. The wooden back patio was covered with a mess of multi-coloured chipped paint. The back yard had a few feet worth of grass, so long it was bending over and swept every which way. A back room was 1 bedroom which opened up into a truly decrepit kitchen with no eating area. Then what was once a beautiful front drawing room had its leaded glass doors covered with plywood, which had been crudely screwed on. I asked the landlord, "did you do this?" and he proudly said yes. Should I mention he was impeccably dressed and drove a shiny brand new BMW? This man knew taste, but he had no shame showing off this home slum to the many people who came out for the showing.
It only got worse from there. The third bedroom was in the basement, complete with very low ceilings and protruding bulkheads. One bulkhead stretched across the top of the tenant's bed, where his chest would lay with about a foot and a half of clearance. Imagine sleeping like that? I saw a jar of Cold FX on his nightstand, along with a box of kleenex and it's not even cold season. Bulkheads or beams like that, especially over a sleeping area, is VERY bad feng shui, it generates sha (negative energy.) I was not surprised he had chest (cold) problems.
The bathroom was a hole (mind you the basement was not nicely finished, might have been attempted to be refinished in the 70s due to the fake wood panelling.) It featured a plastic shower stall and old toilet and tiny sink. That was the only bathroom in the whole apartment. The steps leading down to the basement were like the average steps leading into an unfinished basement -- wooden, rough, no backs or anything like that. The gall of someone trying to rent this to a young family!!!
Besides those two monstrosities we saw some so-so condos (mostly too small), average homes out in the middle of no where. Finally we found a place that had decent square footage and a fair price right next door to where we live now. We were hoping for a house but without a car, the choices downtown are quite slim if you're only prepared to pay 2k or so. In a nice condo at least there is a gym and a spa, swimming pool, concierge. All sorts of fitness classes, most for free. . there are a lot of bonuses. Not to mention that the one we selected, though only a few years old, had just gotten brand new floors put in (cherry wood to match the cherry cabinetry.) Granite counters, as we have now, a brand new stonework backsplash in the kitchen. It is a 2 bedroom + den, perfect for my husband who works from home.
More later on how I am arranging to move us in within a week! Co-ordination at its finest.
I couldn't believe that some people would hold their head up high and offer their places for rent. I saw some horrible places, and not cheap either! Our range was between $1500-2000 a month and wow. . . .a lot of ads were misleading too, otherwise we wouldn't have wasted our time.
Like one house which featured views of the back parking lot of a pizzeria (that was the view from the front of the house) and the back view was of a dirty alleyway. Inside, the staircase was missing one of its banisters, so anyone could just fall right over if they took a wrong step (don't even want to think about my toddler trying to navigate them). . .hardwood floors with missing planks and plywood just screwed into place instead (worst patch job ever). . .stinking of kitty litter. UGH.
Then another place which was supposed to be two floors of a house was actually the basement and main floor. Which could be fine except for the fact that it was a butchered house. You had to enter through the back patio as the front door lead to the second floor apartment. The wooden back patio was covered with a mess of multi-coloured chipped paint. The back yard had a few feet worth of grass, so long it was bending over and swept every which way. A back room was 1 bedroom which opened up into a truly decrepit kitchen with no eating area. Then what was once a beautiful front drawing room had its leaded glass doors covered with plywood, which had been crudely screwed on. I asked the landlord, "did you do this?" and he proudly said yes. Should I mention he was impeccably dressed and drove a shiny brand new BMW? This man knew taste, but he had no shame showing off this home slum to the many people who came out for the showing.
It only got worse from there. The third bedroom was in the basement, complete with very low ceilings and protruding bulkheads. One bulkhead stretched across the top of the tenant's bed, where his chest would lay with about a foot and a half of clearance. Imagine sleeping like that? I saw a jar of Cold FX on his nightstand, along with a box of kleenex and it's not even cold season. Bulkheads or beams like that, especially over a sleeping area, is VERY bad feng shui, it generates sha (negative energy.) I was not surprised he had chest (cold) problems.
The bathroom was a hole (mind you the basement was not nicely finished, might have been attempted to be refinished in the 70s due to the fake wood panelling.) It featured a plastic shower stall and old toilet and tiny sink. That was the only bathroom in the whole apartment. The steps leading down to the basement were like the average steps leading into an unfinished basement -- wooden, rough, no backs or anything like that. The gall of someone trying to rent this to a young family!!!
Besides those two monstrosities we saw some so-so condos (mostly too small), average homes out in the middle of no where. Finally we found a place that had decent square footage and a fair price right next door to where we live now. We were hoping for a house but without a car, the choices downtown are quite slim if you're only prepared to pay 2k or so. In a nice condo at least there is a gym and a spa, swimming pool, concierge. All sorts of fitness classes, most for free. . there are a lot of bonuses. Not to mention that the one we selected, though only a few years old, had just gotten brand new floors put in (cherry wood to match the cherry cabinetry.) Granite counters, as we have now, a brand new stonework backsplash in the kitchen. It is a 2 bedroom + den, perfect for my husband who works from home.
More later on how I am arranging to move us in within a week! Co-ordination at its finest.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Feeling Good, Looking Good
I noticed that if I get to make the effort in the morning, like shower, style my hair, put on some make-up, I feel good all day. I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think, "oh you look pretty!" haha! Much better than catching a glimpse and thinking, "oh god. . .I'm going to hell in a handbasket."
Funny thing is, even if I sit in my pajamas till noon the next day (a common thing around here as we all are late risers due to V being a late riser), the effect seems to last. Hair seems messy but full of bounce, cute. Face looks ok not slathered in make-up. A third day is pushing it and I am back into UGH territory.
I asked my husband if he could give me an hour each morning to shower and get ready but he laughed it off saying he doesn't ask me for such luxuries :( For months now I get a 1 or 2 hr break in the afternoon (break from taking care of V) and that is it. . though sometimes he'll watch her while I'm making dinner. Otherwise I don't really have any time for myself. . in the evening we watch her together but by then I want to watch tv or play my video game (Sims 2) So I guess I do get more time but not at the right times! I guess I am picky.
So! Anyway. We are in the process of looking for a new place, and if we get a place that is spacious enough, I can wake up before V and shower and get ready without waking her up (the shower wakes her up now.) That would be really sweet and great for my self-esteem!
Funny thing is, even if I sit in my pajamas till noon the next day (a common thing around here as we all are late risers due to V being a late riser), the effect seems to last. Hair seems messy but full of bounce, cute. Face looks ok not slathered in make-up. A third day is pushing it and I am back into UGH territory.
I asked my husband if he could give me an hour each morning to shower and get ready but he laughed it off saying he doesn't ask me for such luxuries :( For months now I get a 1 or 2 hr break in the afternoon (break from taking care of V) and that is it. . though sometimes he'll watch her while I'm making dinner. Otherwise I don't really have any time for myself. . in the evening we watch her together but by then I want to watch tv or play my video game (Sims 2) So I guess I do get more time but not at the right times! I guess I am picky.
So! Anyway. We are in the process of looking for a new place, and if we get a place that is spacious enough, I can wake up before V and shower and get ready without waking her up (the shower wakes her up now.) That would be really sweet and great for my self-esteem!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Beauty Suck
I have never felt so shallow as after having a baby. Overall I guess I just think I've aged 5 or 10 yrs in the span of a year, and that is tough to swallow.
I guess I always took the way I looked for granted; we're all used to who we are, after all. When the way we look changes though, it often takes time for the mental image of ourselves to catch up with what we physically are. I've heard a few formally overweight people say that they still feel big, even though they are now thin. It kinda is like that for me. . .but I guess as it applies to looks rather than weight?
I never get a full night of uninterrupted sleep anymore. My eyes show it. I have perpetual bags under my eyes, not just one set but two or three under each. That is my biggest qualm. They also seem a bit wrinklier. My face is a bit fuller with the extra weight, which I do like, I think.
Also, my dry skin is dryer than ever, what with all the handwashing that goes on here. I moisturize a lot -- more than ever (several times a day) yet it got so bad that I started developing eczema, even. I started wearing rubber gloves more than ever and can't wait for the scars from those eczema patches to go away. . .which leads me to. . .
I got some sun spots :( On my chest and face. I hate them :( I think they're cause I go out during the day now, whereas before I'd be in an office all day. I wear sunblock, but apparently not enough. I have an olive skin tone which is very sensitive. . .when I get a pimple, even though I don't touch it, it takes a few months for the mark from it to go away. The slightest sun tan, received in August, won't fade till February or March (I can see the tan lines.) A cut also mars my skin for years, literally years and years. And, apparently, I get sun spots easily. Being all rough and tumble with a baby only means I have more bruises and marks than ever before.
The last thing I can think of at this moment is hair! As you can see above, I need a hair cut. Badly. Yet it is so difficult to get away for a haircut, or waxing (oh yeah, I am hairier than ever with breastfeeding hormones). . it is difficult to get away to buy clothes that fit, since I am continually shrinking (I gained 67 lbs while pregnant and have been losing it ever since.) I guess all this seriously impacts my self esteem. I am a nitpicky aesthetics-focused designer at heart, after all.
I guess I always took the way I looked for granted; we're all used to who we are, after all. When the way we look changes though, it often takes time for the mental image of ourselves to catch up with what we physically are. I've heard a few formally overweight people say that they still feel big, even though they are now thin. It kinda is like that for me. . .but I guess as it applies to looks rather than weight?
I never get a full night of uninterrupted sleep anymore. My eyes show it. I have perpetual bags under my eyes, not just one set but two or three under each. That is my biggest qualm. They also seem a bit wrinklier. My face is a bit fuller with the extra weight, which I do like, I think.
Also, my dry skin is dryer than ever, what with all the handwashing that goes on here. I moisturize a lot -- more than ever (several times a day) yet it got so bad that I started developing eczema, even. I started wearing rubber gloves more than ever and can't wait for the scars from those eczema patches to go away. . .which leads me to. . .
I got some sun spots :( On my chest and face. I hate them :( I think they're cause I go out during the day now, whereas before I'd be in an office all day. I wear sunblock, but apparently not enough. I have an olive skin tone which is very sensitive. . .when I get a pimple, even though I don't touch it, it takes a few months for the mark from it to go away. The slightest sun tan, received in August, won't fade till February or March (I can see the tan lines.) A cut also mars my skin for years, literally years and years. And, apparently, I get sun spots easily. Being all rough and tumble with a baby only means I have more bruises and marks than ever before.
The last thing I can think of at this moment is hair! As you can see above, I need a hair cut. Badly. Yet it is so difficult to get away for a haircut, or waxing (oh yeah, I am hairier than ever with breastfeeding hormones). . it is difficult to get away to buy clothes that fit, since I am continually shrinking (I gained 67 lbs while pregnant and have been losing it ever since.) I guess all this seriously impacts my self esteem. I am a nitpicky aesthetics-focused designer at heart, after all.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
It takes a village
Parenting really is the most difficult job in the world. . .well, tougher than any job I've ever had! And I've always been a pretty hard worker, since a very young age. Maybe not so much in my last few years in the tech industry. .but that is a different post.
Sometimes I think I don't know if I could manage a second one. I choose to do things that may be a lot harder (attachment parenting), but well worth it. Rarely is the best choice the easy way, no pain no gain and all that. I can't imagine how people who work outside the home or go to school while having children do it. I suppose they must really let some things go, and I don't blame them one bit. It is exhausting just to think about! I just don't know if I could be happy with myself if I wasn't doing the best job I possibly could for my children. That is who I am, for better or for worse.
I think about all this stuff a lot, which is how I came to write this post. I often think there is NO WAY I could have another child unless I got some help. A second set of hands, basically, like a mother's helper maybe. Someone who could just follow me around and help. What a dream come true that would be! Or maybe it would be more trouble than it's worth, I don't know. All I do know is I wish I could have lots of children. . .five would be nice, but it is just so difficult doing it mostly alone. Sure, my husband helps in the evening and on weekends, but that is not enough. I can totally understand why people used to live with extended family, and why they say, "it takes a village to raise a child." I can see how ideal that would be, especially during the newborn days.
Ironically, I have a few relatives in North America, but am hardly in contact with them at all. My mother is a nightmare and most of the time wants nothing to do with me, and never wanted a grandchild (V is her only). . .. one of my sisters is a junkie, so she is in her own horrible world, and the other I do speak to and see, albeit rarely as she doesn't live very close by. I was very close with my father, but he died when I was 16 (he and I had been living together since I was 12.) I've been living alone since then.
My husband immigrated here from Scotland in his early 20s and has no family here at all, save for a couple distant relatives on the other side of the country that we don't speak to.
We both have hardly any friends, very few as we're quite private and picky people. Which means we've basically raised our daughter alone. We've never had a babysitter, or anyone watch her, or anything like that. I am SO ENVIOUS when I read about people who have parents around or friends or whatever. . . .and when they complain about being burned out. . .I can understand of course, cause breaks away do wear off, but still. . .I've NEVER had a break.
*sigh*
And this is why I don't know how I could have another unless I had some help. Or maybe I will just wait till V starts school so at least I have days off to dedicate to the next little one. Though at my age (31), that would mean I wouldn't really get to have 5 without going into risky territory. I am very thankful to have what I do, though. V is a gift from the gods and I treasure her greatly.
Sometimes I think I don't know if I could manage a second one. I choose to do things that may be a lot harder (attachment parenting), but well worth it. Rarely is the best choice the easy way, no pain no gain and all that. I can't imagine how people who work outside the home or go to school while having children do it. I suppose they must really let some things go, and I don't blame them one bit. It is exhausting just to think about! I just don't know if I could be happy with myself if I wasn't doing the best job I possibly could for my children. That is who I am, for better or for worse.
I think about all this stuff a lot, which is how I came to write this post. I often think there is NO WAY I could have another child unless I got some help. A second set of hands, basically, like a mother's helper maybe. Someone who could just follow me around and help. What a dream come true that would be! Or maybe it would be more trouble than it's worth, I don't know. All I do know is I wish I could have lots of children. . .five would be nice, but it is just so difficult doing it mostly alone. Sure, my husband helps in the evening and on weekends, but that is not enough. I can totally understand why people used to live with extended family, and why they say, "it takes a village to raise a child." I can see how ideal that would be, especially during the newborn days.
Ironically, I have a few relatives in North America, but am hardly in contact with them at all. My mother is a nightmare and most of the time wants nothing to do with me, and never wanted a grandchild (V is her only). . .. one of my sisters is a junkie, so she is in her own horrible world, and the other I do speak to and see, albeit rarely as she doesn't live very close by. I was very close with my father, but he died when I was 16 (he and I had been living together since I was 12.) I've been living alone since then.
My husband immigrated here from Scotland in his early 20s and has no family here at all, save for a couple distant relatives on the other side of the country that we don't speak to.
We both have hardly any friends, very few as we're quite private and picky people. Which means we've basically raised our daughter alone. We've never had a babysitter, or anyone watch her, or anything like that. I am SO ENVIOUS when I read about people who have parents around or friends or whatever. . . .and when they complain about being burned out. . .I can understand of course, cause breaks away do wear off, but still. . .I've NEVER had a break.
*sigh*
And this is why I don't know how I could have another unless I had some help. Or maybe I will just wait till V starts school so at least I have days off to dedicate to the next little one. Though at my age (31), that would mean I wouldn't really get to have 5 without going into risky territory. I am very thankful to have what I do, though. V is a gift from the gods and I treasure her greatly.
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